How dare I have the nerve to tell him, "It's not worth the wait."

******************

Letting go of all this pain and heartache, is going to be very unproductive, because with it I created something wonderful for myself. A book, a non-fictional account of all the lies and double standards and treacherous mind games that I have encountered throughout my life. It's called

American Whore...Courting the Criminal Element and Finding God
(excerpt)


I felt like I was trying too hard to understand what love was suppose to be with him, because it wasn't what I thought it should be. It was this weird, twisted thing that involved allot of beer, kinky sex and yard sales. It wasn't secure; there were never any guarantees. And the only reason I was trying to stay faithful is because I wanted to prove I could do it for myself. I had a plan and I carried it out. I stayed faithful to the worst possible mate I could for almost five years. In my mind, he was the worst possible mate. I couldn't help but let him know that. I mean after so much forgiving and forgetting, it’s really time to take stock in the situation.


**********************************

Too bad it's over. Maybe I'll do as my friend in New York suggests and turn it into a screenplay.





Big T was here 7:58 AM
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