I don't miss him much. It's been a year since we left each other physically. I want to celebrate my solitude, without remorse.

I've been a dreamer, asking too much of what I did not deserve. Life's full of those crazy calls to assist need. I wanted to blame him, others, anyone who stood aside, useless, and ignorant, but I was no better at all. I tried to solve all of life's problems and got no further then they did. Ignorance breeds ignorance and you can't substitute knowledge with pain.

I make my rituals, they are all the same. Talking to myself, brainwashing the stains. Soak, rinse, spin; soak rinse, spin.

Without him in mind, I am unhinged, set free to roam, to build my own and I am grateful, but afraid. To fail on my own, leaves only myself to blame when the time comes. How I will treat myself when I have not managed well, will be a fraction of torment from the curses I've sent his way. I've learned to love myself more for withstanding leftover shreds of grief.

Today will be a great day, full of hope and dreams of accomplishment. I'll not starve, I'll not fret. I'll dream again and put myself to the test.

I've got you to write for now, not just my hollow headed cave. I wish I knew you, whoever you are. I would find that a strange delight. To find a message from you, the eyes from afar, blogger beings that you are.


Big T was here 8:37 PM
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