As a child you tend to believe everything everyone tells you. Until something turns your head, something strange, that you never thought would happen.

It might be seeing dad's face behind the fake Santa beard for the first time. Then you start to wonder who is Santa really? Then you start to wonder if Santa even exists and why your parents would make up such fantasies as Santa and the Easter Bunny and other religious icons. You spend so much time pondering the ideas of others over and over again in your mind, trying to make sense of them. Then maybe you realize that not only are your parents liars, but that they are basically without a clue as to what is real and what's not. And that it's not just them, there are many others, all of your relatives and friends, school teachers, coworkers and bosses. The list goes on.

It may take years for you to discover that the whole world is not what you've been told it to be and what that feels like is rather frightening, maddening even. Why are all these make believe, ignorant stories being told? Is there anyone on the planet that knows what's really going on? I'm wondering. I think you're wondering too. Who's telling the truth and who's a liar? Who is willing to tell the truth and who really knows what that is? It appears to be spiraling out of control with one lie based on another, set to correct a whole sector of lies that was based on misconceptions. You or I are left sometimes feeling hopeless, we'll never know the whole truth. If we ever finally found out, would we then be able to accept it?

I've learned to listen to my gut and never second guess it now, because at the moment the slightest contradiction rears up from what someone has said, it turns into a sordid little game to finally know what is at the root, whether it was an outright lie, a mistake or coincidence, or just plain stupidity. I won't wait to find out, I'll find out as soon as possible, with confrontation and accusations, I'll even bluff to catch a glimpse at the actual truth. And I'm telling you the truth when I say, I don't like what I have found so far. I get the general feeling from others, they're not too happy with what they've found either.



The truth is really hard to come by these days. Crossing Lies Road has always been dangerous. When the light appears green, it really isn't and when the sign says walk, it really doesn't. You start off the curb and you see a car coming that isn't really there and you hear a screech, but its just your ears playing tricks on you. You finally get across and you think its a goddamned miracle. You're not responsible for anything however, believing in God absolves you of having any responsibility for anything. If you murder someone, and ask God, he will forgive you. If you rape your brother's girlfriend and pray, God will forgive you. If you cheat on your wife and repent, God will forgive you. If you cheat on your taxes, God doesn't care.

(American Whore excerpt)



Big T was here 8:14 AM
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